Interview with Tara Priolo, White-facing, Biracial, Multi-Passionate Soprano

White-facing, biracial, multi-passionate soprano Tara Priolo has cultivated a career including performing, teaching, brand coaching, activism, and arts administration. As an educator she shares her propensity for enlivening student’s confidence paired with her strong interest in vocal pedagogy. Frequently requested as a guest soloist by smaller organizations and colleagues, Tara enjoys performing a variety of new compositions as well as the classics. Based in Minneapolis, MN Tara engages audiences, students, and clients with dynamic, thought-provoking, and unique performances, lessons, and coaching sessions.

Tara Priolo (she/her)
Multipassionate biracial musician
Owner/Operator-Tara Priolo Studio
Operations Manager-Thursday Musical
www.tarapriolo.com

Top 5 Songs of Encouragement:
1) Cardinal Singing and Call Sounds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ezarOZGkyA&list=PLEsyD1RdaugD7NsYE2pvDppAlAjLn9awp&index=1&t=162s
2) Lean on Me by Bill Withers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOZ-MySzAac&list=PLEsyD1RdaugD7NsYE2pvDppAlAjLn9awp&index=2
3) Joy by Genius Child sung by Harolyn Blackwell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWqVa0Z_2F0&list=PLEsyD1RdaugD7NsYE2pvDppAlAjLn9awp&index=3
4) Without a Net by Mickey Guyton
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWqVa0Z_2F0&list=PLEsyD1RdaugD7NsYE2pvDppAlAjLn9awp&index=3
5) Defying Gravity from Wicked by Stephen Schwartz, sung by Kristen Chenowith and Idina Menzel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEq3xM-i0Ng&list=PLEsyD1RdaugD7NsYE2pvDppAlAjLn9awp&index=5

Transcript

Melissa Slocum: 0:03

Welcome to the sounds of encouragement, the place for musicians and music teachers to find support and encouragement to help you stay motivated, creative, and moving forward in what you do best. I'm Melissa Slocum, your host and number one encourager. I currently live in the Atlanta Georgia area and have my own thriving studio, teaching piano to all ages in person and online. I also help other teachers use student goal based learning and differentiated instruction to increase motivation in their students and increase retention rates in their studios. You can learn more at www dot music lesson pathways.com. Thank you for tuning into sounds of encouragement. Don't forget to subscribe so you get notified of future episodes. Enjoy the following episode. Don't forget to keep listening at the end and be sure to check out all the links in the comments or show notes. As always, I'm here for you. So you can be there for those who need you the most. Reach out to me at sound of encouragement@gmail.com and let me know how I can better support and encourage you. White facing by racial multi passionate soprano, Tara Priolo has cultivated a career including performing teaching brand coaching activism and arts administration. As an educator, she shares her propensity for enlivening students confidence. Paired with her strong interest in vocal pedagogy. frequently requested as a guest soloist by smaller organizations and colleagues, Tara enjoys performing a variety of new compositions as well as the classics. based in Minneapolis, Minnesota, Tara engages audiences, students and clients with dynamic, thought provoking and unique performances, lessons and coaching sessions. Please welcome my guest, Tara Priolo. Welcome to sounds of encouragement. My name is Melissa Slocum. And you just heard a little bit about Tara Priolo. My guest today, Tara, thank you so much for joining me for sounds of encouragement.

Tara Priolo: 2:21

Absolutely. So happy to be here. happy you asked.

Melissa Slocum: 2:24

Yes. So I wanted to share a little bit about how I know you we have never met in person. We've only seen each other around the social atmosphere. We're in some of the same Facebook groups shout out to the Fonz family because I have seen you interact in that particular group on Facebook. We've also been around each other a little bit on clubhouse in different groups. And I love your Instagram material. I love following you on Instagram, you have so much great material. And I love just how authentic and genuine you are and how you just share all the real, all the real, real real stuff. Yeah. Exactly, exactly. Yes. So if you aren't already following Tara on socials, be sure to go and follow her. And we'll have links in the show notes. So my first question is always about an encouragement in your life. What has encouragement look like in your life, especially growing up?

Tara Priolo: 3:26

Yeah, it's so interesting that this was the interview I'm doing today. Because just last week, someone on my Instagram was like, can you share more childhood stories? And I was like, oh, it's nice. Here you go. So growing up, I was I took like a couple people in particular, my dad has always been, you know, he's been a person that didn't ever care what I did, but was always like, do it your best and work really hard to get to wherever you want to go, and you can change where you want to go. But you need to you got to you got to do it. Right. We're gonna do it with everything. So my dad has always kind of been that person of never judging me for my my particular choices, but always encouraging me to go 100% towards them once I made the decision to just go. And another person that I always kind of credit with, like just me becoming really independent and just really kind of doubling down on the things that I believe in. Was my fifth grade teacher and I have lost touch with her. I don't know what like I don't know what happened to her but green is Arlie low. And she it's a you know, my fifth grade year was the year that 911 happened. It was the year that I had an uncle that passed away. A lot of things happens like to me personally and that year and she loaned me her oboe. So my first instrument aside from piano that I had played, and just even though she was just my general teacher, she was a person that always pushed me towards music. She made me read this book called Darcy song. And she would always encourage me to send my assignments to her. And it was just just a, you know, a really wonderful person. And I'm so sad that I've lost touch with her because I really, I have no idea what happened to her, where she's living or what she's doing. But I do always think about her when I'm doing things. It's just that like, she pushed me when I didn't know that I needed that encouragement. And it really just, even through high school, even though I didn't talk to her after I graduated elementary school, you know, it's like, I just always think about her in that in that sort of encouragement, space.

Melissa Slocum: 5:51

So did she know that you had a beautiful voice? And did she know that you had musical ability?

Tara Priolo: 5:58

Yes, I think so. It's it's funny to think about my childhood in terms of music, because people are always like, Where'd you get the musical gene? And I'm like, my mom sings all the time. Of course, my mom has been encouraging to but she knew that I could sing because in choir at school, I was Miss solo for Oh, fourth, and fifth. Wow, that was I was on my record. This solo, I got all the solos, which is just funny, because my confidence solo going into high school and college and graduate school and after that, and so it's just funny to think about fourth and fifth grade here. I was a solo and I knew it. Like, I miss all I can say, Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then I lost it somewhere along the line. But yeah, Miss Logan knew. And she knew that she wanted to push me or at least encouraged me to indulge in it right and have fun. Like, I think that she was a person that recognized that music was the place that my heart and soul sort of came out, like I was good at a lot of things. I'm a I'm a really highly intelligent person, I'm a person that could have done anything. And that's not me being cocky, that's, like, I could have gone to medical school, I could have been a mathematician, I could have done all of these things, right. But she she recognized in that year that that was that music was where I should live, you know, and I really didn't decide to go into music until, like the second half of my freshman year of college. And so when you think about that, a fifth grade teacher, and then I didn't really decide until I was like 1920. But it's pretty, you know, it's pretty impressive that she could spot it way back then. And just made sure I had had every opportunity to pursue it.

Melissa Slocum: 7:48

So when she gave you the oboe were you did you find a way to take lessons did you learn on your own?

Tara Priolo: 7:55

Yeah, so it's, it's funny because I the only private lessons I ever had were piano off and on. I've never had a singing lesson until I was 18. And people. A lot of people are like, what? Yeah, yeah, I teach, you know, now I teach 13 and 14 year olds and 10 year olds even saying, right, but back then, I you know, I just sang in choirs. I was in a children's choir. But as far as the oboe, and I don't really know. I don't know. What was like, in me, that was like, I want to do band. But apparently I wanted to do band. And so she made sure that I was going to do band in fifth grade. And I you know, so that was my experience. I don't I really don't remember that much about band. But I do remember playing in it. And I remember being, you know, not the greatest at the oboe. Yeah, and I quit. I didn't quit band after sixth grade. So I didn't I did not stick with band. But the other two piano and voice side. Yeah. So she just I guess she just wanted to make sure that I had a way to, to do it. If I were to do it, she was gonna make it happen.

Melissa Slocum: 9:06

What a phenomenal point in life to be introduced and be encouraged so strongly toward music. Are there other people or other moments that were pivotal like that for you?

Tara Priolo: 9:18

Yeah, so she was probably, you know, one of the first ones. I mean, I did start singing when I was four or five years old at church. And I remember I tell this story all the time, because it's it's so funny that I ended up in music because my first memory of music is actually pretty negative. I was I had a party and I forgot my words. And I ran offstage. And I was just crying and the teacher was like yelling at me like to get back on stage. Like, I think she was trying to encourage me to just like, go ahead and do it. But I was so embarrassed. And so like, that's it that's what I remember from when I was five years old, right? Like my first play. I forgot I got my words. And my outfit was awesome, but I forgot my words. So that was I mean, that was a defining moment I kind of, you know, I kind of tell that story because it's funny. It's funny to think about now, right? Very funny to think about now, but later and later on so after, as I mentioned, I was in a children's choir, I was a part of Nebraska choral Art Society, which was a big thing. Back in the day. It's no longer around. But I was offered a spot in there sort of middle school choir, in seventh grade, I believe it was. And that was really kind of the first time that I had ever aside from the Miss solo fan, which I for whatever reason, never thought that was a huge deal. Like I knew I was gonna solo but it did not translate anywhere else aside from that choir. Sure. And so, you know, in being accepted into this audition choir and being we traveled, like, we didn't travel very far in on fire, we travel to like Chicago from Omaha. Oh, that's a big deal. You know? Yeah, it was a big deal in seventh grade, you know, I got my first cell phone that year, because I was traveling, so cool. So how could that have a in her name was Miss Robinson, Miss Robinson, I don't quite remember Miss Robinson or miss Robson. And she, you know, she was the first person that ever kind of took a chance on me in that audition setting, and that was really, really cool. And I remember being in that choir and watching the, the premier choir, just called Belcanto. And I was always kind of like, I want to be in that choir, but I'm not. I don't think I'm good enough, right. And so I did an audition. I just, I just didn't even like give myself the chance to audition. And then the director of that top choir left and a new a new guy came in and his name is Dr. Anthony tres at King. And he's still very active in the coral community. Wonderful, wonderful human like just if you find him on the internet, and follow him did a lot of things with the Boston Children's Choir after he worked with Omaha. So when the when the old director left and this new young whippersnapper, he was African American, he played the cello like, well, I'm it's just like, I mean, total amount of blood, right, like taught just total new person. And I was like, maybe this is my chance. Right? Maybe this is my chance. I'll go audition for this guy. And I went in, and they asked for, you know, very simple. Sing the scale on solfege Doremi. Faso Lotito and sing it back down. Well, I completely mess it up. And I was again, like it was that it was that moment from when I was five, again, where I was like, I just want to leave, and I won't be here anymore. I like I'm never doing this again. And Dr. Teresa king, he looked at me and he said, he said, he's the only person that's ever done this in an audition setting, and I will forever this was a huge pivot moment. Like, I will forever emulate what he did in that moment. Because he looked at me and he said, could you just take another breath? And I said, You're not mad at me, you know, cuz I couldn't sing it. And he's like, it's not that you can't sing it. He's a take a breath. And we're gonna try again. Right? And so I took the breath, and he played it on the piano again, and I sang it back to him. And it was perfect. And I got into the choir that year. And I will never forget that moment, simply because I was just like, you don't see that, right? You don't see like, we just assume that kids need to be at their very best as opposed to just giving them a moment to grieve and to, to appreciate the situation they're in and, and he was really another one in my life that he didn't directly ever push me towards music. But he was so amazing, because like I said, he did play cello and he, there was one time he just set his baton down and we're singing Deep River. That was one of the first times that I had gotten the opportunity to sing a spiritual because while Omaha is a very diverse city, obviously the upper echelons of music are quite non diverse, quite elitist, and he set his baton down and he did this every concert and he would pick up his cello and he would play with us on Deep River. And we would sing it together and it was just this wonderful moment and I I've always remembered that moment. And then, you know, going into a little bit older, like there was another director that came in after trace that King left and his name is Shawn Burton, also pretty active in the scenes still. And he he was probably the first one that was like, you you got this like you should. You should go try to do this for a while. And I shrugged him off, you know, and I think about it all the time because I had the solo. Then I've shared this on Instagram before too. So if you've been around long enough You know this all over you know this this conversation. He again another person that just took a chance on me there was a song is Mata Donny masala. You probably know it if you listen to come to see it's a song that they've done before. And Dr. Burton took it and rearranged it for our treble choir. Okay, so we were in trouble through 12th grade choir and we were elite we traveled around the world. Wow, I've been to many places because of that choir that Dr. Teresa King let me into. And the Solo was high. It was like an EMG. And when you're a sophomore, junior, junior in high school, that's a little like, oh my gosh, you know. And I, for whatever reason, said to myself, I'm going to audition. I'm going to audition for the solo. And Dr. Burton picked me he was like, okay, the soldiers, and I still have this email to this day, I saved this email, because I sent him an email at like, midnight one night, because I was so I said, I can't learn this, I you need to pick someone else. I can't learn this. I can't do it. I can't I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to learn it. I don't know how to sing it. I don't like I'm not going to be good at it. Right. And he sent me an email back literally, like five minutes later. And was basically like, No, I gave you the solo for a reason. Learn it, and do it. And that year, we went to Mexico and I, every concert, I got more confident on an every concert, I got compliments after the concert. And I was lucky enough to get those videos like a couple months ago from the guy who was following us around and kind of recording us. And it's really one of those that's one of those two, that it was like, Okay, we're not going to let you give up on yourself. Like we already believe in you. You don't have to convince us Yeah, you just need to convince yourself that you're good enough to do this. And and so that was that was a really those are a couple like, you know, I grew up as a choir kid. So those are kind of the places that I really learned to be a singer and encouraged to be a singer. And of course, there were people in college and things too. I went to Luther, so that's like, Yeah, hello. You know, choir. And there. Were there. The the Peters, they were amazing. encouraged me forward as well. Yeah, so those are childhood story. Yeah.

Melissa Slocum: 17:27

So many great people. Let me ask this question. And this isn't on the, you know, questions that I send ahead of time. But I do want to ask this, and I don't think you'll be afraid to answer this one at all. But how important was diversity for you and seeing people like you are different from you, you know, leading these choirs and musicians and people in places of authority who had a different type of representation than just Caucasian?

Tara Priolo: 17:55

Yeah, I, you know, to this day, obviously, I talked about a lot of representation is extraordinarily important to me. And I still, you know, I do touch on this every once in a while, where it's very, very interesting being a white facing bi racial person. Because you don't you don't find a ton of us, right, like, and in white dominant spaces. I'm sort of assumed to be Caucasian. But there's something different about me, there's something exotic, there's something wrong, whatever. And so, for me, for a person like me, I'm like, Well, I have to represent just for the people that are better born tomorrow, that will look like me, you know, like my nephew. Who is, you know, his dad is. He's like, my half nephew, technically, but his dad is African American, his mom's white, and he looks a lot like me. So when we're together, people are like, your kid? And I'm like, No, but you know, right, right example. So how do you have the opportunity to win, we didn't travel to a lot of diverse countries. You know, we went to Germany, we went to Austria, we went to Switzerland, Mexico was probably the most, you know, the most different than what we experienced here in America. It was still such an opportunity to be able to watch people of different cultures lead, and just gain that information. Because in every city we went to, you know, we did like a sister concert. And so we could watch the other directors and the way they interacted with the kids and the way that they treated us and how they open their arms to us and fed us and you know, we did homestays, so we stayed in people's homes and having having those opportunities, I think gives me a really unique perspective as an adult. I don't know that when I was a kid. I really appreciate it. I know I appreciate it. Dr. Teresa King, I knew that I always wanted and I still to this day, always long to have a A black director in front of me, I longed to sing black music, I longed to sing and see black people, you know, next to me on the stage night. And that that's, that's something that you don't run across a whole time, even in a city like Minneapolis, which is really large and very diverse. So, you know, it's it's definitely something that I'm grateful that I had when I was young, and opened my eyes that it could be done. Right? Like, yeah, it didn't matter where you could, you could do it, right. But it is something that I still kind of today, I'm like a cash, I wish there was more about, you know, gosh, I wish there were, you know, there was a bi racial person down the street that I could go chat with about their experience as a kid, or that's with me in the music world. And I know a couple but none that are in the Twin Cities. And so it is, it's just kind of an interesting place to, to be so

Melissa Slocum: 20:59

it is. Because it's a space, I think that when you occupy it is a little bit like you're talking about are maybe referring to a little bit, it's maybe not lonely, but it is a little bit in a way. And you do feel very different. Even though like there are so many things you have in common and we all have in common, it's still your different. Right kind of leads. Go ahead. Oh, go ahead. No, I was just gonna say that I noticed.

Tara Priolo: 21:34

It's just a different, it's a different place. And it's really hard to explain to literally everyone, you know, like, and I talk about this a lot, like I don't belong to the black community, or the white community, I belong squarely in the middle. And I will never, I will never, ever, ever enter a space and not say that I am biracial. I will never identify with one culture more than the other. I obviously seem to kind of push a little bit harder for, you know, black lives mattering and things like that, because that is something that I feel like I can shine a light on. But it's it's just it's a really different space. And it's a space that not a lot of people understand aside from other mixed people. Because you do you really do build an identity that is mixed, but you're constantly being told, you're you know, you have to choose one or the other. And it's like, I'm not, no, you know, I'm biracial. That's what I am like, I'm black, and I'm white. And so yeah, it's just a different,

Melissa Slocum: 22:29

different experience. Yeah. And that sort of leads me into the next question about expectation. And I just, I feel like a lot of us, especially women, we get encouragement to do things that other people maybe want us to do. But it's not really what we're meant to do. How have you gone about that discernment process of deciding what is actual authentic encouragement? That's meant for me, and what is expectation that someone is kind of putting on me?

Tara Priolo: 22:59

Yeah, you know, I think it's tough because I think a lot of expectation, particularly in the music field, is presented as encouragement. Yeah, right. It's presented as well, you're so great, you should be able to do this, right. You're, you're so this, so you should do this, right. And so it is presented as like, here's your silver platter, habit, and, you know, for, and I'll just use it, something that's non musical. But for years and years and years, people have sort of hinted and and advised me and encouraged me to monetize my activism. And I have always stood firm, that of all the things that I do, which I do a lot of things. That is the one thing that I never really intend to monetize, I don't intend to come with a come up with a course for white people, you know, I don't intend to be paid for diversity counseling. I don't I don't really love that idea. And that is part of that. You know, that is an expectation and an encouragement, right? It's an expectation that because I can do it, because I know how to talk to people, that I should monetize it, right. And it's also an encouragement that people are listening, right? People are people are coming to me and saying that, like, oh, I would totally pay you for this. But it's so intrinsic to who I am, that I can kind of separate that out and say, no, no, I'm just going to speak like, I'm going to occupy my space and take the space and take my platform and use it right. I think it's I again, I do think it's really difficult, because it is often presented to us as expectations are presented to us as encouragement. And I try. In my teaching, what I try to do is allow students to give themselves their expectations as opposed to me saying You should sing this song because XYZ, you know, if they come with a song I say, Okay, what do you think you can learn? Right? As opposed to what happened to me in graduate school, which was I was placed as the wrong FOC. And I was learning a bunch of stuff that doesn't do me any good anymore. And that was an expectation, right? It's an expectation that I sound like, right? This and I don't sound like your typical soprano. I sound like a biracial soprano. And now we're just one small and right. Location, right, but it was the expectation placed on me. And I spent a lot of time in grad school, and before just sort of being like, where is my voice? Right? And how can I find the people to encourage me to follow my own voice right to to discover my own voice. And it was really always helpful to me that my best friend Sasha competence less, you know, we've gotten really close in the last 12 years that we've known each other. She was always like, No, you have something special, and you just need to find what you like to do with it. And it was that simple. Like, she was my encouragement. And then there was the expectation of academia over here. And so having her was really, it was easy to separate, I'm not going to damage my voice for you, right? I'm not going to damage my voice, because you have an expectation of what I should sound like, right? Because I had her over here saying, No, it's good enough as it is, you know, just figure out what you want to sing. And my dad came into that a lot. You know, he said, he I know my whole studio is based on this premise. Don't seem trained, sing free. My dad said that to me, when I'm 17 or 18 years, say that again, don't say train, don't sing trained, sing free. If you scroll back on the Instagram, to July of 2020 20, you'll see that that quote, and it's my entire studio, because what my dad didn't want to happen was for me to lose the color. Because the color of my voice is what is African American about me it is it's the thing that makes me special, right? And you he said that once I had decided to go to college, and pursue music, whether that was going to be a minor or major, we weren't really sure, but I was going to do music in college. And, and he said that to me, and I, you know, because of expectations sort of did lose a lot of that I really had to whitewash my voice because I went to a lot of white institutions, right? I mean, academia is very white. And they frankly, didn't know how to teach a student like me, right? You don't win. You know, this, it sounds so horrible to say, and I'm grateful to what they encouraged me to do and also expected me to do because I did learn a lot of difficult music I've learned to, and I learned to say no, right? Like, that's, that's a big part of it, too. But I did lose my voice and my dad has happened. Probably January 2021. He called me and we were talking just, you know, doing what we do. And he said, he calls me baby girl. So you know, whenever my dad would quote me that he calls me baby girl. So he said, baby girl, I saw that YouTube video you posted. And I said, oh god, oh, here we go. Cuz sometimes he's like, what he thinks and I'm like, Oh, okay. He went to think that, you know, and he said, I think you finally found it again. I think that's you, I think you're free. And I said, I like I find what I like the if that's if that's where I'm supposed to be, then that's where I'm supposed to be and in the the fact that he can tell that as a my dad does not sing, he does not play a note on the piano. He listens to music, but he is not a musician, like the man doesn't even sing the national anthem, okay, like that way for him to like, have that quote, don't sing, train, sing free. And then probably, you know, eight or nine years later say to me, I think you finally found it again. Right? It just gave me a really bad arrangement. You know, that's, that's a huge part of my life right now is just allowing space for, again, to not put expectations on other people and not no expectations on myself just to encourage myself to go towards what my whole teaching philosophy essentially is, which is same for piano like I don't want you to necessarily play with pretty fingers when you're a seven year old. I want you to play and have fun and and embrace what you want to do. You know, I have a little kid that he said what what makes more sense to you on how to count a quarter rest because he just couldn't get it. He just couldn't get it through his head. He said, Well, I think if I, you know, if I like dance to it, I'll be good. And I said, Okay, let's do it, you know, like, let's dance and lesson, then let's play a little part. And then let's make a move. And we did it right. And that's, that's the premise that I come from is just like, knowing how free it is to sing, you know, to sing a spiritual and I think that's why like that Anthony trace I came memory always sticks in my brain, how free I felt in that moment, and how free I still feel when I sing spirituals and how free I feel, when I sing in front of my dad, like, I want every kid and every person out there to be able to have that moment without that expectation of what you should sound like, or what you should be, because I'm free from that, when I'm there, I am encouraged, but I am free from the expectation of other people.

Melissa Slocum: 30:51

Right. And I think that's the advantage actually, of having gone through the traditionally white institutions and and the systems that are set up the way they are, is you've now been on the inside, you've seen it, you've been there, done that, and you can make a change going forward, for your own self. And for those that you work with. That there's so much to unpack, and I love that you said about not monetizing the education of white people. I, I'm so glad to hear that. Because I'm in the middle of doing so much hard work right now around race, and around my own biases, and unpacking all of that. And I like you I've traveled, I've traveled to places where I've been the minority, white person in a black culture. I am constantly seeking diversity within my own spaces, and with the music that I you know, explore with students, and the music that I encourage them to explore as well. And this is such a hard thing, I think for a lot of white people to understand, it's sort of like, well, why wouldn't you teach us? Well, why wouldn't you want to share this. And I just keep going back to you know, if I'm exhausted already, just as a white person trying to unpack and get rid of all this garbage, right, that I that I didn't even really understand was an underlying bias. If I'm exhausted from what I see and what I hear out there. You can't We can't even imagine how exhausted you are. We can't even imagine how exhausted other people are. And it's, it's not your responsibility to change us. It's our responsibility to change us, it's our responsibility to do the hard work. And I just want to encourage people out there, you know, don't do the work, do the work. You know, I don't know how many times we have to say that, but do your own work. And don't expect somebody even if you pay them to do it for you, no one can do it for you. You have to do it on your own. And I'm so glad to know that you're not. I mean, if you wanted to monetize that you could but I'm actually relieved to hear that you're not doing that. Because it's I don't feel like that's your job.

Tara Priolo: 33:11

Yeah, I mean, it's exhausting enough to show up. As I show up, I always say I'm a gateway, and I'm a pillar. I know, I know the story. Because I grew up with them. I know the traumas that I grew up with, I know the microaggressions that are presented against me from people that are extremely close to me. I know, you know, I know all of that as a pillar. I know that and I know. CIC is on Instagram all the time, but once you see it, you can't unsee it, you know, like, I just I My mom calls it having blinders on. But that's really not what it is. It's just I am so aware of the world in the way that it is like I it kind of goes back to this expectation thing. Like, I see it very much as it is, as opposed to expecting it to be a certain way, right? Like it's just very much, very this way. And the gateway then is just saying, you know, the gate is open for y'all to come in. If you want, if you want to have a seat at my table, if you want have a conversation with me, let's do it. Right, because that's the only way that anything changes is having those hard conversations is being uncomfortable at a table with someone, it's and becoming uncomfortable enough to change, right? becoming uncomfortable enough that you go to Google and you find that thing that just makes you break, right and you're like, I can't believe that my ancestors did that to someone else. Right? And then you come back to present day and you say what of my behaviors are still demonstrating that right right. And and it's really hard and I don't deny that you know, i i Of course as a white facing person have a lot of privilege. And so, you know, I'm very aware of how much effort it takes to kind of overcome and D center yourself and and disentangle yourself from this idea that you didn't even know you had. It's really hard. And I don't ever want to put up a barrier to that, again, as tired as it makes me. You know, I'm also that gateway. I sometimes I'm just like, y'all. I'm too tired to talk about, I don't have the energy to give to you today. Maybe I Well, three months down the road, I don't have to give it today. Right. And my audience, the people that I know, the people that I sort of serve in that way, are quite aware of that. And I'm very open about that. Like, I very much am a person that will say my DMs are open. Or I will say, Please don't DM me not right now. Yeah, right. Yeah, ma'am. I don't want to I don't want to have this conversation today. But I will reach out to you when I'm ready. Right, I'll let you know. very protective of my energy in that way. And people seem to understand whether that's, you know, they've just been around my page on me for a long time or, or they're just being respectful, which is, which is great. So, yeah, I never really intend to make a ton of money off of that part of me, because I just think that we all need to be exposed to it. And if we're putting a paywall up in front of the conversation, the conversations never going to happen. So

Melissa Slocum: 36:10

well, and I think it changes the conversation as well. And I don't I, there are some things there again, that I think are historically like, you know, we want to pay the black people for doing the hard work. And I just, I want you to make a living wage doing what you were created to do, not doing what someone expects you to do. And I I feel like we could talk about this for hours, because I actually am, like, I, I am going back and diving deep into some stuff right now. And I'm very low on energy right now. Because I just feel like there's so much that I that I see out there, and I live in the Atlanta area. And I said in a previous interview, you know, we just went through the Marbury case. And I'll never forget the moment of hearing the vote, the verdicts come down locally. And we had the TV on my daughter and I were home and the verdicts came down. And we just stood there and just cry the tears just you know, the guilty verdicts came down. And we cried because we felt like at least for one family, at least for one family, there was change. Now it doesn't mean we're changing as a society. And I know there's a lot of other families and a lot of other cases out there. But I need to be better. More like you defining that energy and where my limits are. Because I'm feeling exhausted. I'm feeling alone. I'm feeling sort of like, I need to step back for a minute because I can't continue in some of these conversations at the moment. I need a break. Because it's it's, it's just exhausting.

Tara Priolo: 37:57

Right? Well, and I think something, somebody messaged me, higher, I suppose this was like a year and a half ago and was like, hey, Terry, you posted something four years ago, about like acting like acquire when you're when you're talking about this kind of hard stuff. And I said, I don't remember that post. But let me go see if I can find it right. Now, of course, I uncover this post from four years before and I don't, I don't I can't even give credit now because I don't remember who it was by. But I tried to say this to people, like it's okay to take a rest because there's somebody right behind you that's able to, while you're taking a breath, right, there's somebody else that's able to kind of fill that void. So I know, when I have to take a breath, right, which is, you know, not that often anymore. But has certainly been more frequent in the past, when I have to take a breath, I know that there's people that will stand up in my stead. Right. And I think it's, it's a lot about, you know, like the just not expecting yourself to serve everybody, and to serve everything, and to solve every problem. And just giving yourself you know, giving yourself a break, because if you can't, you can't pour from an empty cup, right? And so you do, you just kind of have to take that breath and trust that there are millions of other people out there having the conversation, and the conversation is gonna be there when you come back. And I have noticed that several times I have people that I can just, you know, when it's a conversation on Facebook, or when it's conversation on Instagram, I have people that I know, I can just go message and say, Hey, is it okay? If I send some people your way because I can't do this right now. And I just go ahead and tag them in the comments and say, you know, if you need to have this conversation, have it with these people today and I'll get back to you in the future. And I you know, build your network that way because otherwise you're just you're so exhausted by him.

Melissa Slocum: 39:55

Speaking of sort of like this whole, you know, boundaries Bostjan all that kind of stuff. Talk to me about pandemic life. We've all been through roughly two years now of COVID pandemic life. And some people just kind of gave up and said, I can't do it. I can't, I can't continue my studio, I can't continue my craft. What has it been like for you? And what have you done to stay hopeful and creative and encouraged during that time?

Tara Priolo: 40:28

So it's interesting. I've been doing this thing on my Instagram where I go back on Sundays, I go back to my archives of my stories. And so obviously, we're, you know, today is March 21. And so we're right around the time the entire nation shutdown, right. And so I've been, I've been looking at, you know, those stories from March 2020. And they just, I was, I posted one yesterday, and I could just see in my eyes how scared and broken and hurt because at that time, I was, I was just in such a different place of like, I was still working a, you know, a part time job at a clinic, which I'd like just quit, I was still still working for a studio not and I was also teaching in my own private studio. And so I had a lot of things going on. And I was like, and I'm, I'm not like a physical voice teacher, but I'm also a person that like, always asking consent, I'm like, Can I touch your shoulders? Can I, you know, like, and if they say, No, cool, I don't need you to, like, I had never taught online before. And I was like, I don't, I literally don't know what I'm doing. Like I, you know, I was just so scared. And I you know, I definitely had like that defeatist mindset at the beginning of it that was like, well, a gentleman kids are gonna quit, I'm just gonna have to go get like a nine to five and happy doing that, you know, at first, obviously, we all kind of thought it was only going to be two weeks, and then it was six weeks, and then it was eight weeks. So better was like where I'm at for the rest of eternity. And then it was like, get a vaccine, and it'll be fine. Oh, just kidding. You know, here's the math. So I remember having this conversation with my best friend at the time, like literally like a week after the shutdown. And we were kind of like, how can we turn this, like, together? We were just like, we had a zoom call. I said, I we just need to talk. Like, we got to get on a zoom call, we can drink, we can do whatever. But we got to get on this call. And you know, and we were like, how can we take this energy, this thing that we're both feeling like we had a ton of shows canceled? We you know, and she's more of a gigging musician and less of a teaching musician. And so it was just, you know, it was a lot. And we kind of on that call, we said, Okay, turn this into creativity and productivity. What can we do right now? What, what can we do? And, you know, I said, Okay, well, I can still teach, right? Like, I just have to figure out how to get them in the accompaniment. And I can do that, right? And like, teach them how to set up their room, right? Or whatever. You know, and then, like a little idea started spouting off it was like, Oh, well, I could still like, you know, I could sing, right? I can sing. And you know, if you go on my Instagram, right now, yeah, so my story is right. Like literally like March 18. Probably, I started my songs for quarantine series. And there are literally like three months of songs that I just would sit down every day, and sing a song and post it to IG TV. And so that was my way of like, I'm still developing as a musician. Here's some songs that my students are singing, here's some songs that I just love to sing. Okay, let me figure out, okay, there's no accompaniment to the song. Okay, let me figure out if I can play it and sing it, you know, so I was growing as a musician, and as a teacher in that time. And so I'm not saying that it's healthy to like, turn that kind of turmoil and that disappointment into productivity. But that's what we had to do. And on the other side of it, not saying the pandemic is completely done yet, because it's not, but like, on the other side of it, and I sometimes feel a little guilty saying this, but I have grown so much during that two years, I mean, both in my online presence as a teacher, as a singer, I mean, you know, having that time inside the house, and just forcing myself to sit down and only take three takes and post it. Yeah. I am a different singer than I was in January 2020. Right and, you know, culminated sort of in being able to sing with Minnesota Opera this January, like right like I went from kind of just being with little companies, which is great, right? Like Minneapolis is great because there's like 30,000 little itsy bitsy companies you can always find something you can always find something warm with but I had never really been back on sort of the big stage like I was as a chorister. You know, when I was little And I, you know, Minnesota offers a B house, it's a large thing. And I kind of shocked that I had gotten that call, you know, and I had to kind of look back and be like, No, but look what you put in for, like you. I wasn't necessarily singing opera. I wasn't necessarily, you know, learning my Arias, I had just kind of cultivated a space where I could explore the music that I wanted to explore and explore the songs that I had already explored with my voice. And so today, you know, I sit here and I'm able to be like, yeah, that became the pandemic, I was working a model job, I was teaching at another studio. And I also was doing this and I was sort of performing on the side. And on the other end of it, now I can fully say, I'm an opera singer, brand, coach, voice teacher and activist. And I can fully embody that right, as a multi passionate musician that I am, right. And, and be very proud that I am a full time business owner, you know, and that's all been like, I own my business before that, but it's really grown a lot in your network. And so, you know, for me, it was turning that like, oh, my gosh, everything's ending, I'm not good enough to like to stick this out. Right. And that initial thought of like, Am I good enough? Singer? Am I good enough teacher to make it right. And then knowing towards the end of this that like, yes, absolutely. I was, and it was always, it was always within me to do that. And the pandemic kind of forced that on me. Right. So

Melissa Slocum: 46:33

I was just gonna say, Now, you really are singing free?

Tara Priolo: 46:38

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I do what I want to say no, when I want to audition for what I want and don't want, you know, so

Melissa Slocum: 46:45

it sounds great. That's so amazing. And it's so encouraging, I think, for so many people, because, you know, for some people, it didn't turn out quite that way. But it still can. And, you know, sometimes it's a matter of flipping some switches in the brain and saying, No, I just need to do this. I just need to keep it going. I just need to figure this out. Because and and I think the other important thing that you mentioned, too, is being able to reach out for help network with someone who can, you know, again, be encouraging and supportive of you without putting an layer of expectation on you. What a great way to talk about that time that we've been through in terms of pandemic life. Yeah, so for those who might still be struggling, right, and we know people who who are, what would you say to them? How would you encourage them if they're struggling in their professional career or as a teacher or whatever they're doing?

Tara Priolo: 47:43

I, you know, I think in the past, I would have said, Just keep hammering at it. I think after the pandemic, I'm a little bit, I'm a little bit less inclined to say something like that. And I would say, let yourself have to step back and really evaluate where you are. Because the right answer might be that it's not to continue in whatever you were doing. And that's okay to like just forgiving yourself that it doesn't look exactly the way your own expectations wanted it to be right. And I know, and I've really had to swear that way, like people, you know, people look at me, and they're like, Oh, my God, Terry, you're only 30. And you've done all these things. And you're doing this and you're doing that and blah, blah, blah. And also, the thing that y'all don't know is that I never expected my life to look like this. I never thought that this was enough, right? Like that. And so my encouragement without any expectation is, whatever you are doing is enough for what you need to do right now. That's enough, you are enough as your own person, in this moment, you're enough. And until you believe that you're probably just going to remain stuck. So you have to know that whatever you do, you're enough and take the step back reevaluate what is success? What do I actually want to do? What brings me joy, right? Like, and I said this before, here's another mic drop, because terrorists will drop person on the right. solution. So I will always tell you to find your joy first. If you're not feeling joyful, figure out what's making you not joyful. And if they're, you know, if everything is horrible, your business is going under and you're losing all of your students and you can't get a gig. Okay? How can you find joy in that? Right? How can you find joy in the pain? How can you exploit that right? And I'm, people kind of come at me a little bit when I'm like that because they're like, Well, isn't that just toxic positivity? And it's like, no, it's not it's just giving yourself some way to feel good for a second. And so you know, whatever it is change course. Have the courage to change course. Have the courage to stay the course if that's what's bringing you joy and and Talk to someone find your person that you can do what I did at the beginning the pandemic, right. And she, we do this twice a year where we just sit down on Zoom. And we're like, here's our list of projects. What can we get done now? What do we need to change what's going on and like, we really work both as friends who talk everyday and also business people who are able to kind of spot those things. So find that person for you, I have a real about like building your team, your free team, right? Because that's really, really important. But I would say for the most part, you know, just have the courage to change, if that's what needs to happen and find your joy. Yeah, find your joy, because that's the only thing that's going to keep you going.

Melissa Slocum: 50:45

So many great mics drops in one interview. It's true, it's true. I've had chills, I've had so many I feel like I could, you know, I wish we could go a deep dive in each one of these questions and and your thoughtful responses. Because there's so much there's so much here that I would love to dive into. But we're gonna move on to probably my favorite part of these episodes, which is the music that you have opted to share with us. These are your top five songs of encouragement. So I'm going to share the screen and we're going to hear a little bit of this first selection, This is Cardinal singing and call sounds. I'm going to stop that there. And I have also heard birds singing I think outside your window. Talk about that.

Tara Priolo: 51:49

That's the Cardinal. So I you know, okay, I live in Minnesota. Y'all have kind of heard this now. And we are quite prone to sad, right? Like we seasonal depressive disorder. Yeah, we have it here. Yeah, we are in the house for six months. Like, without fail, you know, and I find that I sort of lose a lot of my inspiration, like, Christmas is my favorite season. But at the same time, I lose a lot of inspiration to do new things, right. And Cardinals have always been something in my life that, you know, when people have passed on, there's another connection between Yeah, so cardinals are really that kind of symbol of renewal and also like, peace and and something to grab on to like it happens every year, happens every year. And this house, we've lived here for four years. And there's a cardinal that comes the end of every February, and he sits in this tree over here. And he sings to me every morning. And his his wife comes and they they do their thing together as the spring goes on. And as it gets warmer outside, I get to go out and sit on my back porch in the mornings, and do my work. And they'll come sit on the fence and just like be there with me. And I don't you know, I don't know why they are but I know they're the same is the same song every year. And so it's just one of those like, okay, yeah, you can keep going, this is the direction you're supposed to go in. These are, you know, this is still here, this is still happening, and keep going right and be inspired by it be inspired by that, that renewal. So that's that's one thing that in the spring every year gets me because I just saw here just randomly one morning and I'm like, Oh, you're back to see you again. You know?

Melissa Slocum: 53:43

Oh, I love that because I miss I miss a lot of the Northern flora and fauna having grown up in Minnesota and Wisconsin I miss a lot of it. But I'll get back to it at some point but yeah, cardinals are some of our favorites too. We're gonna take a quick detour here over to the incredible Bill Withers and lean on me here we go so we're gonna let you all listen to the rest of your own listen to the whole track

Tara Priolo: 54:28

Yes, yes. Yes. That one Yeah, that one that one almost always like made me cry. I think that one for myself and also for other people. Because I am the person in this I'm the calming the storm. I'm the person that everyone when something when something goes wrong when when when things happen when the fires are burning. When someone is murdered when the world is on fire. Yeah, I am the person in charge. Have people will just be like, what's Tara saying? What What can we latch on to? Right? How can we not be in this space? Right? And, you know, that's part of both who I am as a human and part of who I am in the online space. And so I always tell people, you know, like, I have a lot of strength because of the experiences that I have had to live through. And because of just the pure, like, forces that I come from, my parents and beyond. And so I just say, lean on me. Lean on me, when you're not strong. Like you don't, you don't have to, you don't have to do it all yourself, you can lean on me a little bit, right? You can lean on my page, you can lean on my presence, you can lean and I tell that to my students, too. And I just have such a beautiful relationship with especially the older teams that are just so willing to come into lessons a terror today scared me terror today, you know, today, it was really this and I say, Okay, what do you need, you know? And that's a song that that's a song that my dad always like my dad used to play. And so it's just it's very, like, ingrained in who I am. And it's actually the first song I sang on that songs Songs for quarantine. I say it with it's up on the wall. And yeah, first mind it so it's very, very near and dear.

Melissa Slocum: 56:22

And you know, I mean, we all know the song and that's why you know, when you hear those first few chords that are playing you just know ah, yeah, here it is. Here it comes. You don't even have to hear the lyrics yet. And then you hear the lyrics and really lean into the song and go wow, yeah. What a great tune. So we're going to listen to this next clip. This is heroin Blackwell, and I am not familiar with her I was not familiar with her. I am learning more because of you. So thank you for sharing this but y'all go listen to this. Click on the show notes and listen to the full track. Oh my gosh, what an incredible voice listen to the whole song, but then go look up her discography and, and the work that she's done. So let's hear a little bit of this clip from a song called Joy. Go listen to the whole thing. Yes, yes,

Tara Priolo: 57:33

yes, yes, please do listen to that entire cycle. It's called genius child. It's by Ricky and Corbin. That one, first of all, that cycle was written for heroine Blackwell. I've never heard of her on the cycle. And I think she's just truly amazing. But the cycle is by a man named Ricky and Gordon, some of you may know who that is. Kind of does both classical and musical theater. And I found this cycle. My junior year in college, and the text is all Langston Hughes. Oh, so it is? Yes, I ran across it. And I said, Oh, my gosh, it's by a white man. But like, there's this black influence in it. And I was like, I want to sing this, right. And so and that was really momentous in my life, because it's also written for soprano. And at the time, I thought I was a Menzo. And so it was really kind of the first cycle that I had ever done that was like, hey, there's some high notes, you know, and I carried it into grad school. And I finally say, enjoy that song. Joy is my revolution, right? Joy is my revolution. And that song such joy, I think 16 times. And so it's, it's one of my, one of my absolute favorite songs to sing one of my absolute favorite songs to listen to, because you cannot leave that song without a smile. And I sang it on my graduate degree recital. My mom was there. 10 That was the fun she started crying on and that was one of the one of the times that she was just like, this is where you were meant to be. My mom is very reserved, you know, she's, she's kind of been the one like, you probably need corporate and that was one of the times where she was just like, No, I think you've got it, you know? And that, so that song I sing a lot. I listened to it a lot. But yeah, heroine is. She's just, I don't know. I don't know why nobody talks about her because she's amazing. But yeah, so go listen to her.

Melissa Slocum: 59:28

Yeah, I'm so glad that you shared that because I had not heard of her either. And now I'm now that I know that that's Langston Hughes text. I want to go listen to more and really, really listens. Oh, so wonderful. Yes. Gorgeous. Okay, so we're moving to Mickey Guyton and y'all know probably who that is and don't just need an introduction. This is from a song called without a net. I'm going with that

Unknown: 1:00:10

Go listen to the whole song so uplifting. Listen to all of you. I mean most of my some of making stuff very sad. Like,

Tara Priolo: 1:00:21

what are you going to tell her is just I cry every single time. But that song, that song was the very first song I ever found by Mickey Guyton, the first song I ran across. And if you don't know making, she is one of the only African American artists in the country music genre. If you don't know me well enough, by now, I am an opera singer who listens to country music, which y'all can come in my DMs. And so I just, I love that she stands so strong in that field, and I love the message of that song. Like, you're just gonna fly, if you just you have to take the jump, because you're just gonna fly. And it has always, that kind of message has always really resonated with me, because the thing that holds me back the most is myself. But I will always stop myself from doing it. And so that's really where that song pushes me is like, just just jump without the backup plan without the doubt. And that joke about, you know, why

Melissa Slocum: 1:01:18

that's so interesting to me, though, because I see on your Instagram, I just, I feel like you do that you live that very authentically, very freely, is that really hard for you?

Tara Priolo: 1:01:32

It used to be a lot harder. Especially, you know, as I say, like, if y'all come visit my page on a Sunday, and you see me from two years ago, or me from three years ago, I am still very authentic and who I am and what I believe, but I am less, less forward about it. Right. I'm less adamant about it. And especially over the pandemic, you know, and I kind of said this today on a post because somebody DM me and was like, you know, like, yeah, you're saying a lot of the same thing. But holy cow, your confidence, like has just shot up. And that's really true. It really, you know, I realized that I hold a lot of energy and a lot of power, even when I'm not speaking. And for a long time that scared me, I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want to take up space. I didn't want people to look towards me, because my goal in music has never been to be famous. It's never been to make a ton of money. Never been any event. Like I don't really even need the attention for it. Right? Right. But inevitably, I'm always the center of attention, or I'm always the person that people are looking at, or I'm always the person that people come to online like, right, it's just it's and I finally kind of said to myself, especially over the last five years, as I've kind of been like, Okay, I'm going to move away from corporate jobs, and I'm going to move fully into music. I just kind of said to myself, You know what, yeah, with great power comes great responsibility, but it's always been you like you might as well just quit being scared of it and embrace it. And that's what I've sort of tried to do is really just show up and the embodiment of what I believe, which is show up in all of your honesty, all of your authenticity. And, you know, say what you need to say, because someone else needs to hear it. It's not just me, someone else needs to hear what I have to say I'm some young 15 year old biracial girl that looks like me, might come across my page and see what I'm saying and see what I'm singing and be like, Oh my gosh, I can do that too. Right? Like I can be whatever I want be because Tara is able to do that. And so for me, yeah, there's a lot of stuff that people don't see behind the scenes, there's a lot of inner battle of like, I am not like, I actually an INTJ those of you that know what we're like, I am actually an introvert, very much. So I recharged by being by myself, I don't have like being in crowds of people. I'm not excited by that. And so I you know, online is a nice outlet for that. But I would really prefer to just kind of sit in my room and not not ruffle feathers, you know, just kind of like that person. Also, I'm also Enneagram eight and so the Enneagram eight is a challenger and so I really cite for what I believe the people that I believe in and myself like I you know, and so those kind of that kind of dichotomy used to show its face a little bit more on my on my public platforms, but it still kind of shows itself in me before I get up on camera or before whatever and people that know me in like real life that sit down with me like they kind of see it a little bit more, but I try to always also kind of put that out there like I'm not always this put together. I don't always have my makeup fully done. I don't always present myself and not always like, I'm not always fully capable of getting up and being like, yeah, yeah, this is hair. This is this is what I do. Sometimes I show up I'm just like, I don't know what to say to you. Yeah, you know, I don't know what I don't know what I can say to make it better. I don't know how to help you. I don't know, you know, and I think that's been a space that I've really had to come to terms with like that it's okay for me to say, I don't know. And that I will, I can help you find the answer. But I will also like, once I find something that I believe in, I'll move mountains for it. So it's been a journey, of course. But then I'm still, like I said, I'm still definitely an introvert. Y'all just get a lot of like, extraversion, I feel like I'm like 51%, introvert and like, 49% extrovert. So while I recharge in that way, I'm very much I'm very much able to give that energy. In reverse. I write on Instagram, and things. And that's what a lot of people get get for me, because I do know that like that kind of energy moves, it moves people. And that is really, that's my goal. Like, it's like, if you don't know what's supposed to,

Melissa Slocum: 1:05:54

it's so fascinating to me that you're saying all this because I'm like, you know, checking all the boxes, like I'm, I'm i n f j, instead of t, I have the F and they're also eight on the Enneagram. Like everything that you say, I'm just like, yep, yep, yeah, I totally get that. i But what stands in my way, is perfectionism for like putting stuff out there. I'm too much of a perfectionist. And I'm getting over that, you know, but it is, is refreshing to see people like you who are putting putting themselves out there and being real. And what I wanted to ask because this is another area that I've talked to other entertainers and performers about, especially with the social online platforms. And I know this happens to you, what do you do with the haters? How do you deal with it?

Tara Priolo: 1:06:47

Well, so first of all, I don't get a lot of haters. And I will be perfectly honest with like, out there about that there are not a lot of people that come across me and go, I want to challenge that girl. Oh, good. Okay. No, like, there, there are not very many trolls that come at me. And I think is because of the way that I speak, right, because of the conviction that I hold, especially when I'm speaking about hard things, right. Like, like I said, once I believe in something, once I have that knowledge, and I know that like, that's what I want to put my all into, there are a lot of people that are going to be like, Hey, yo, I'm going to disagree with you. Right. Or, for the most part in the in my delivery. And I hear this a lot like from white people that are like, Oh my gosh, I'm so happy that you're talking about this. They're like, it feels safe to hear that from you. And it feels like I have the opportunity to go ahead and think about it, as opposed to like, immediately argue against it. And I you know, I think a lot of that work is again, like the way that I present myself, I don't often come on and like rail. And I'm not saying that that's a bad thing. Because I feel your feelings y'all like, like, if you're comfortable feeling them in front of other people that feel them in front of other people I go to prom about. But I do try to come from a place of like, okay, I've been in that guilty place, too. I've been in that space where I was like, but what about me, I've like I've been there. And I know what that feels like. And I can identify with that. And I can forgive you for it. Right? I can forgive you for it. So forgive yourself. And then let's have a conversation. So I mean, part of it is just like knowing that I don't get a lot of trolls, although I did use to get more, and I get plenty on my personal Facebook page. Lots of mine. It's not so much on the public facing platforms. But it's definitely people close to me. Like I said, most of the time, the people that are the most dangerous to you, the people that are going to use microaggressions are going to say inappropriate things or the people that are within your family are the closest to your friends. And so I again, like one thing that's really, I think makes me the person that I am is that I am so empathetic, I have been a lot of places I have liked a lot of experiences. And so I can kind of identify with that experience and recognize, okay, yeah, I understand why you're attacking me in this way. I understand that you are centering yourself. And what I'm asking you to do is not is to D center yourself, right? And I just try to have that conversation is always about the conversation for me and it's never about like, I'm going to fight this person. And I think the other thing that helps me tackle that is like I say this like offhandedly now, but it used to scare the absolute crap out of me. used to it really used to do I invite people to unfollow me, I delete comments. I you know, I ignore DMS and I know that that seems like a scary place to be but it's your page, you control what comes on your page. And there are some conversations that are just not useful. Right. So if someone is being belligerent in my comment section or in my question boxes or on my personal Facebook, they're going to get a timeout. They can come back down the road, right like they're just not yet ready to hear me yet, but I'm not going to put myself in that in that position. because I'm going to protect my energy, I put my oxygen mask on first, right? And so when that does happen, like I make people very aware, I am blocking you because of XYZ, I will unblock you in this many days. And if you still continue that behavior, we will have no further relationship. Wow. And usually, you know, again, like that has taken me years and years and years of like, coming to that and knowing that there are people in my life that like, I can't even talk to anymore because of something that they said on Facebook, and I have to block them because of that. And I don't have a relationship with those. But that's okay. Right? Like, it's, you have to go through that. And, you know, the easiest thing to do with a lot of these trolls and a lot of the bots is, is just delete the comment and don't lie age unless you like you can engage, right? And so I encourage you to like before you respond, or, you know, you read it, like there's a great group on Facebook, that kitten box, if you are a female presenting person, join that you can post that comment in that group and be like, Yo, I'm feeling uncomfortable, how do I respond? There's a bunch of people I know that will be like, don't respond at all. So again, find your full, right, like, I often like if something like that comes up, I will either send it to my dad or send it to my best friend or send it to him and be like, is this what I think it is? And if I get the confirmation that I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and block this person, I don't wanna have this conversation, right. And so have your people that you know, you can talk to, right, so you don't feel alienated because of one comment. And then just know that you're, you're always in more control than you think you are on social media. That's, I think people think that like social media is very uncontrolled. And we don't know a lot about social media. But what we do know is that you control it, right, you control what you put out, you control the people on your page, you control the people that follow you. And so use your control. Right. And, and I that's the way I kind of tackle it like, it's, to me, it just comes with, with the position, you can't please everybody. So we're trying, like, we're trying to just move on, you know, there's a lot of horrible people in the world.

Melissa Slocum: 1:12:02

I love that advice. Because it does, it is taking back control. And there are several friends of mine who have also we've gone through a lot of similar things in the last two years. And we're all getting very good at block block block block. And you sort of feel guilty about it. But then after a while, it's like but you can't you can't survive, you have to protect your energy you have to protect the valuable resources that you have. And the only way to do that sometimes is to shut out the noise.

Tara Priolo: 1:12:34

Yep. And also feel free to unfollow people like if they started posting things that the immediately disagree with then just Yeah, yeah. unfollow. Like, it's okay. Like,

Melissa Slocum: 1:12:44

yeah, yeah, I love that. I love that. Well, we are going to wrap up with this last song defying gravity. Sorry, we took that little sidetrack conversation, but it's an important one. We all know wicked. And we can all sing and sing along. So go listen to the track again, play it while you're in the shower, sing along, but this is just the very end just a tiny little clip. Here we go. Oh, I hate stopping that. But we have to stop it. So go click on the show notes and listen to the whole track.

Tara Priolo: 1:13:31

Yes, yes. It says my favorite line is the next line. And nobody in all of us wizard that there is or was is ever going to bring me down and that relates directly to the trolls. Yes. Right? Yes, nobody is once I make my decision. Nobody can take it away from me. And I think that's really important to remember. Defying Gravity is another one of those jump without the net, right? And just fly, you know, and the other people, the people in your myths can tell those people those haters, what you're doing, but you don't have to do it. You know, like, I love that song I sang I sang it right after I quit my studio job. I sing it a lot. It's just one of those empowering songs. It's like yeah, I'm defying gravity. And I'm very aware that like, I am a person that will continue to defy gravity on a person that people never expected to be in the spaces that I'm in and I you know that again, it makes me panic like inside like I'm like. Yeah, but at the same time, I you know, nobody can bring me down except for me.

Melissa Slocum: 1:14:32

So yeah. Well, Tara, thank you so much for this time. I am so grateful for you occupying that space and for just being you in the spaces where you do create and where you do operate. I just feel like we're all better for you, and all better for the fact that you are expressing yourself so genuinely and so openly in the world. I'm I'm just grateful for the work that you're doing. Thank you so much. Well, thank

Tara Priolo: 1:15:04

you for having me on. I'm always happy to talk about that stuff. And I look forward to talking to more of you. Hopefully. I listen. I'm a I'm a big I don't know if you notice I'm a big person about conversation. Let's ask conversations. So always scary, but I would love to have conversations with with everybody else. So

Melissa Slocum: 1:15:23

definitely. So if you want to have those conversations with Tara, I invite you to click on the links in the show notes and find her on social media. And but not as a troll but to have good conversations and to have good dialogue and to learn and to continue to grow. And you know what, it's never a bad thing on social media to actually encourage someone else. If you like the work that Tara is doing as much as I do, I invite you to like and share and encourage and just drop a few encouraging words from time to time. That's all we have time for today. We are going to close out the show. Thank you to everyone who has listened or watched this episode. As always, if you need encouragement, please feel free to reach out to me at sound of encouragement@gmail.com and you can also find me on all the socials socials as well. Again, Tara, thank you so much. Yes, thanks, everybody. Thank you for listening. Please click on the show notes to learn more about my guest and to listen to their top songs of encouragement. If you have found value in these podcasts, please share the podcast with those you know, leave a positive review or support the show at buy me a coffee.com Sounds of encouragement is a podcast production of music grow LLC, part of growing musicians and teachers everywhere. Sounds of encouragement is hosted produced and edited by Melissa Slocum. To get in touch contact sound of encouragement@gmail.com you can also find sounds of encouragement on clubhouse drop in weekly for a dose of personal encouragement theme music by Melissa Slocum and Steve trusler music mixed and mastered by Steve trusler. Thank you to Steve Tressler and Christina Lowe priori who encouraged me to do this in the first place. And remember, I'm here for you so you can be there for those who need you. The most